TBT: I'm posting it here because it is disturbing and some people might not want to see this. But if you do, here it is. I went through the day of course, but you don't have to. But it might be helpful to some who might be about to be experiencing a similar sad event...
I brought Laz into the Vet in a carrier. A top-opening carrier seems to be easier for cats to deal with.
But see those wet spots on the carrier? Those were tears.
The Vet took him away and returned him with a catharter adhered to his front leg.
He was so calm about it all that I thought he had already been sedated. The box of tissues was for me. I used up about half of it.
Laz never "just sat around" in a Vet office.
And especially not when there were dogs barking just outside the exam room.
We sat in the exam room for 30 minutes. I was getting worried that the sedative was wearing off and he might experience some pain at the final shot. I even opened the back door of the room and expressed my concern to the vet techs. The Vet said she would be there "in a minute". Which was 10. And which felt like "forever".
But he hadn't been sedated yet. He was just sitting calmly...
I didn't take a picture of his last minute. That was just too hard. I was crying too much. So was the Vet; she knew his sad life-story.
This may be the harder part to view. I always let the other cats sniff a deceased former Mews. I laid him out...
Marley found him immediately and sniffed.
Lori joined him.
I don't know what they think when sniffing a dead cat. I assume they recognized him.
It is important that they understand he is dead and not just "missing".
They spent a while at it. I was actually glad they did.
It might mean they understood he was dead.
Lori stayed long. They were BFFs for many months. I don't know why that changed.
Now it is pick and shovel time. Laz is double-bagged in the basement freezer, waiting for his final resting place in The Memorial Garden. I had just removed all the Memorial Boxes and covered the area with heavy cardboard box material to smother the weeds over the Winter. Now I have to remove some of it and create a good safe deep hole for him.
Digging 2 such holes in less than 3 months is beyond just "sad". But we don't get to time things like this. What happens, happens. And now I have 2 boxes to build to go above their burial spots. Not like that's the important thing, but it means more tears. doing 2. 😭
This has not been a good few months...
I did that too, with our angels, it helps to have closure even for beasties. But since we have 'digger dogs' we don't bury them in our yard...even in bags, they would be 'found'.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this, through my tears as well...
I came because I wanted to say my last goodbye to Laz. To say I have tears is an understatement. I always let our cats say goodbye to those that passed. Like you, I feel it is the right thing to do to give them closure.
ReplyDeleteWhen Eric died I thought he looked so peaceful as if he was sleeping. When I looked at it later he looked dead and I didn't want to see the photo again. I couldn't bring myself to delete it though so hid it away in a file somewhere and I have no idea where.
I am still crying both for you and Laz, but also for my boys as sad memories come flooding back. Those sad memories never disappear but come to the surface every now and again.
We have to hold on to those precious good memories. Take care and try to be kind to yourself.
We have been there too, too many times...without the added pressure you faced. Sometimes my cats have touched noses before they went off on the last journey, so I believe you are right...it helps the survivors to recognize why they are gone. They do mourn. Marley was a good friend to Laz. Laz and Lori loved each other - of that there can be no doubt. You and Laz loved each other too. That may explain his calmness at the vet's - on some level he understood you. An extra blessing to your vet for her loving understandiing.
ReplyDeleteIt is good to be able to remember that it was a calm and peaceful farewell.
ReplyDelete